Sunday, March 29, 2009

beauty advice

This is how I like to work it.

*Feel frumpy, 4 months into new-again-momhood, and decide that a new haircut will probably change everything.
*Reflect that the haircuts you got just pre-and just-post partum with your other children were unhappy disasters.
*Decide to get one anyway.
*"Do it right": ask pretty friend who cuts her hair, and make an appointment with her stylist.
*Panic a little when she can see you the next afternoon.
*Cut-and-paste good-hair celebrity photos off the internet into an unbalanced collage in Word that you then print out in black and white. Add a couple of NOT THIS photos on the back.
*Hand it to the woman with the scissors with a laugh, saying, "I know I'm not going to magically look like a celebrity, but this is what I'm going for."
*Secretly hope that this sort of magic is exactly what will happen.
*Feel sort of sick on the way home, but like how your hair smells.
*Thoughtfully stare into the mirror while you brush your hair before its wash a couple of days later.
*Go after that $40 haircut with the scissors that came free with your husband's clippers.
*Panic and step into the shower after depositing some alarmingly large hair chunks in the trash on top of the baby's diapers.
*Shake your head at yourself while you wash.
*But grab the scissors again when you get out....because you left some uneven parts.

This is going to end badly.


Natalie Daines said...

such a vivid description...and so, so true! So handy to have a pair of hair scissors at home...I really should lock mine up for my all-too-frequent similar circumstances!

Bet you're still beautiful!

nweames said...

So me, except I'm always after the 1 great haircut I got one time. Ahh the joys of being a girl.

sallyavena said...

Do we get to see any pictures? I just got my yearly haircut and the person who cut it also straightened it. The boys came home and said, "You look weird mom." The joys...

Christine said...

My horror hair story:

I came home from a horrible haircut- and was very sad, and told me dad I felt like a boy and he said "I've always wanted another son!".

I bet you look great. How short?

Lisa said...

Valerie, you would look gorgeous with a crew cut! You crack me up. David and Emma can't even tell when I get a haircut. Yesterday I made David laugh pretty hard because I suddenly panicked that I was getting a bald spot. He assures me this is not a worry.

Braden said...

Oh Valerie, I am laughing mournfully at your perfect description and feeling second-hand empathy (this happens to Mere in the same way). Good luck!