purple petunia

Today's CT scan showed lovely clear lungs for Reuben. Cancer free! Metastasis to his lungs was the most likely spread, and we have been spared that at least. I have forgotten, with this medical drama, to share the good news that Marian's lung CT scan (on the same day as Reuben's sad MRI) looked marvelous--more clear than last year. I'm a happy mama. The radiology report on his bone scan had not yet been completed when I left the hospital this evening, but the oncologist didn't see any new tumors.

Although the results from the samples sent to Columbus for chromosomal testing probably will not be ready until next week, we (oncologist, orthopedic surgeon, self) have decided to go ahead with prompt chemotherapy, assuming a confirmation of the preliminary infantile fibrosarcoma diagnosis. Tomorrow morning at 10:00 am, Reuben is scheduled to have surgery to place a port in his little chest, and we will start chemotherapy either tomorrow afternoon or Thursday morning.

When Reuben was a few weeks old and I was already desperately in love and feeling a quiet joy that he was so lovely and healthy, I traced a finger on his chest, marking each place he did not have one of the scars that were so familiar to me on his sister. No lung biopsy. No drainage tube between his lungs and chest wall (so painful). No Nissan fundoplication. No broviac catheter. No small incision to slide it into his heart. No port-a-cath, or its associated guiding incision.

3 of those we will have after tomorrow.

Reliving part of today's conversation with our oncologist while I dabbled in the bathroom this evening, I caught a repeat of the expression on my face when he was talking about amputations (not something we anticipate). Um....this mama was not so stoic as she thought.

Here's a link to the abstract for the most comprehensive study of infantile fibrosarcoma, if you're so inclined: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12468912
I like it because it refers to "this rare and curable disease" and "negative margins" (cases wherein the tumor disappeared with chemo and without surgery) and "alive with no evidence of disease 8 and 18 years from diagnosis." All of which I so very desperately want.

Reuben will be "inpatient" (staying in the hospital) for a few days starting tomorrow, and I'll update if I have access. I so hope I can also find a way to upload a few photos, but that may be greedy :).

I know I'm still in my careful place (haven't cried yet), but all I can think of is how crushed I am that we're missing Audrey's birthday party on Saturday. Though, unfortunately, not as crushed as she is. If you're local, please call Nathan and ask how you can help!

Now I'm going up to my room to watch American Idol, then give my baby a bath in the lovely calendula/chamomile baby wash Meg sent me that makes him smell just right. And not like a sterilized hospital. Oh, my baby!