Sunday, May 31, 2009

locks

While talking to my sweet little sis yesterday, I was idly twirling Reuben's top lock and several hairs came away. I'm aching today. I think I fooled myself into thinking it might not really happen. And am foolish enough that I'm still kind of holding out for the survival of the lashes.

Still talking to my sister, I took enough for a strawberry blonde curl, then searched the basement boxland until I found green thread. And bit it because we're not yet organized enough to have scissors and thread in the same room. And could only use one hand because the other was holding so tight to that curl. Lock and thread are both now in a cello envelope on my dresser and I'm breathing slowly and vowing not to let hair torture me anymore.

I already know he can rock bald.
I know no one will even notice because he nearly already is.
I know it will grow back once we stop filling his veins with poison.
But how poignant a reminder it is that, right now, we are.
And to think I begged "them" to start as soon as possible.

Ay.

3 comments:

nweames said...

I hate when reality sets in, regardless of the reality.

Meg said...

One of the hardest parts I believe.

Lisa Cline said...

Ahh Valerie.....I still have the cup of Craig's hair. I remember picking up each strand off of his hospital bed with the nurse standing by looking at me with horrified looks. I was a mad woman about it. I grew to love his bald little head and then when his hair and eyelashes and ear hairs all grew back in, they were a different color and texture. His baby curls were there for a moment then gone forever. We should be mad, it isn't fair. Cancer stinks more than almost anything else in the world.